"Standing out in the rain, knowing that it's really over... please don't leave me alone."

I'm sitting here by myself, watching the Yankees game, reading some tweets and thinking about YOU. I don't know why I always find myself listening to this song when I think about us, and everything we've been through, but I do. And every single time it makes my eyes well with tears. Why do I do this to myself? Why do I put myself through the pain of remembering you? Although I've done my best to run from the truth, the answer has always been right infront of me. Because I love you. I've always loved you. And I've come to the reality that I always will love you. This ache in my chest... it isn't going to go away. It's been three years. Three intense, incredible, rollar-coaster years. Three "I love you. I hate you. I need you. I want you. I can't live without you." years. I wish I could forget you. I wish I could forget about what we had. Sometimes I wish we never would have met, and I would have saved myself all this pain. But if we would have never met, we would never have fallen in love. You would never have given me the best years of my life. The romance. The intensity. The passion. We had everything. We had the formula to be something beautiful... something that could last a lifetime. Where did we go wrong? Where did we screw up? When did we reach our breaking point? Truthfully I don't think we ever did.. "We were young and times were easy." All we did was grow up.

I know we might not ever be together again. I may never hold you in my arms and feel your skin against mine. But I will never forget you. I will never forget what we had. I will never regret anything that happened. I love you. I will always love you. And I thank you for making me who I am today. For teaching me the meaning of love, and showing me a whole new world. I love you.

"Flooded with all this pain, knowing that I'll never hold ya... like I did before the storm."

I guess that's why I love this song. Why it makes me cry. Why it connects with me and my heart. Because it reminds me of us and our story. Although there are distinct differences, the message is the same...

It's getting late and I'm going to bed. Even though I know I will see your face in my dreams tonight, I think it's going to hurt just a little bit less... I'm not scared anymore. I've come to terms with my reality, and even though I love you... I'm letting go.

Goodnight.
With all my love,
B